Eat my Words.

So this past month has been a challenge for me! I can honestly say I'm either ready to go back to 2015, or just fast forward to 2017. Because so far. This year has sucked!  I am hoping to see the beauty in all this mess.. but so far. I can't.

Of course some of it, is my own fault. I got a head of myself. I didn't think things through, and weigh my options. I seen an opening. And I jumped. And I'm paying for that now!  Of course a month ago, if anyone would have told me that I wasn't thinking things through, I wouldn't have listened to them. I know I wouldn't have. Because I thought I seen the light at the end of Walmart tunnel. And I was going through it.  I can honestly say. This is my fault. I cannot blame anyone else. But ME!

I jumped the gun. I totally jumped the gun, and now. I have no job! Not that the job I left Walmart for paid me! I am guilty of wanting to see something,and believes something that wasn't true. And now I may end up working some place like McDonalds! I should have appreciated Walmart.  I use to always say, at least I'm not working fast food! Well I may end up eating my words.

Hello 2016!

I am not one of those people who believe that a new year equals a fresh beginning.

I've never really understood, why people think that?

Or say it?

Nothing happens at midnight on Jan 1st that changes your life!

All the issues, problems, troubles you had the night before.

You will still have on Jan. 1st.

It really is just another day.

If you had debt. You'll still have it.

If you had an illness, you'll still have it.

If you had bills up to your eyes, an awful job, unruly kids, or a cheating husband.

Chances are.. you're still going to have all those things.

And I know what you're thinking.. well I'm determined to make a change.

Good for you!

But why did you wait until Jan. 1st to do that?

Why didn't you do it June 1st, or Sept 23rd?

I'm also pretty sure you said the exact same thing this time last year!

Waiting on a day to make a change..

that never comes.

I know I am Debbie downer here..

But I'm also realistic.

Then some people say it, because of the emotional struggles they had gone through.

The hurt, the heartbreak, the distress.

But just like above.

Chances are those feelings are not going to change.

You're still going to feel them.

My point is.. there is no better time than now!

I mean..what happens if tomorrow never comes?

If there is one thing I have learned this past year.

These past two days..

You are not promised a tomorrow.

None of us our promised another Jan. 1st!

But we do have today.

So seize it!

This past year, a lot of us, especially those who I've gone to school with,  have lost a few people.

Unexpectedly.

Here one day, gone the next.

And I do not know about you.

But never in million years would I thought that..

Beth Carr

Sheri Heniser

Nathan Coppock..

and I'm sure there are more.

Wouldn't be here on Jan. 1st with the rest of us.

Never in a million years could I imagine the little girl who I met every day before school our third grade year, to make sure our bangs were tall enough. Wouldn't be here with us. Or  the first guy I ever had a crush on, who at times refused to call me anything other than "Randy's little sister". Would not be here today.

It's been really hard to wrap my mind, and heart around..losing both.

Nathan's passing, has brought back Beth's passing.. and the fact that I never really grieved over her.

and I feel like an emotional mess.

So I do not know about you.. but I do not want to wait until tomorrow..

to make a change.

I do not want to live for a day..

that may never come.

I want to live for today!

I have made some of my best decisions

on a whim.

I didn't think

I didn't contemplate anything.

I just did it.

And it always turned out good!

You do not have to wait until a certain day to make that change!

My challenge to you this year,

is not to wait for tomorrow.

Because like I said..

You are not promised a tomorrow.

You're not promised the next 5 minutes.

So stop living as though you're going to see it.

Make sure you let those you love.. KNOW IT! Call your mother, father, brother, and sisters.

Let those friends who are struggling know.. YOU ARE THERE!

Tell your children they are your world.

Let your cousin's know you care.

Pet your dogs, kitties, turtles and fish.

Do by phone, text, e-mail, or plaster it on Facebook!

If you're in a bad relationship.

LEAVE THEM!

If you can't physically leave them.. let them know..emotionally they be gone!

You've only got one live

and you're only promised day to day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second..so just breath! (That one is for you Nate)

This one is for Beth!!!

Guess I'm a Player

Well guess what? I am a player! So I am told. 

At least this dude on Facebook seems to think so. 

This guy, who randomly wrote me. 

A guy I do not know. 

He started writing me a few days ago. 

I am not interested. 

So I never replied. 

Thinking to myself that he'd get the hint. 

I mean I would. 

If I wrote someone, and he didn't write back. 

I would think "oh he's not interested"

and move on. 

Not continue to write him. 

I'd get the hint.

I'd back off. 

But not this guy. 

He kept writing. 

At first it was just normal. "HI how are you", "my name is so and so" things like that. 

Then it got a little sexual. 

And then it got a little mean

And then it got really mean, 

And then he started accusing me of being a "player", and just "leading him on"

Dude.. I never wrote you! 

So..I guess I am a player. 

According to him. 

Of course he doesn't know what a player is. 

Because that's not a player.

Rude,.yes.

A player..no. 

You see someone who plays someone, usually misleads someone into thinking something that's not true. 

Like they are interested in you

They want to go out

They love you.

They think you're cute, sexy hot. When really they do not. 

Sometimes they tell you these things because they want sex.. and they know that lying to you..might be the only way to get it.

Sometimes they do it because it's funny to them. They have no life, and nothing better to do than play with someone's emotions. So they lead you on.. only to hurt you in the end. 

That is being a player. 

Not ignoring someone. 

Ignoring someone is whole lot nicer than leading someone on! 

Or using them.

I know! I have been played before 

I've had guys do this to me. 

I of course did not reply to him. I blocked him, so he could no longer contact me! 

Which is what I should have done in the first place. 

I honestly thought he'd take the hint and GO AWAY! 

I'll know for next time. 

Happy Today is Over!

I do not know about anyone else..but I am SOOOO happy today is over.

It hasn't been a very good day.

It was one of those days.. the ones that start out bad.

I lost my wallet.. in my house! Yep you read that right..my house.

The last time I seen it, was the night before.. I had it on the couch while filing about my direct deposit info for my new job..which I wasn't able to do.

So I was pretty sure it was around the couch..somewhere. It had to be.

So I looked under the cushions, and honestly expected to find it. I mean why wouldn't I? Not there. So I look behind the couch..not there. Under? Nope! Around it? Nope..

Hmmm where could it be? I thought.

So I started looking in things, and under.

Chairs were flipped, tables pulled out.

Then I moved to my bedroom.

Maybe I put it in my purse and just didn't remember. Nope didn't look there first. Should have huh? Nope.. not there!

Looked on my computer desk. Actually tore it apart. Ripped out books, papers etc. Not there.

Moved to my dresser drawers, and chest.

Then to my bed. Who knows..maybe it crawled into bed with me last night..right? Nope. I can't even get that to sleep with me!

Looked at baskets in the bathroom, including the clothes basket, looked in sink drawers, and where I keep my hair tools. Looked in my makeup bags! Yep I did that. Once again.. don't know why it would be in there..or how it would get there. But I looked anyways. It wasn't in any of those places.

Then I moved to the kitchen. Don't worry I didn't look in the stove, or fridge..but I thought of it. However, the washing machine and dryer was looked through! As was cabinets, I even looked in the tub of 5 dollar pop corn from Walmart. Who knows? Maybe I placed in there while sleeping walking..that I may or may not do.. it would explain why I can't find a wallet in my little itty bitty house!

As you can probably guess.. wasn't there.

So it was time to look in my unconventional places.. like under the Christmas Tree skirt, in the Nativity, because you never know..it might want to hang with baby Jesus right? I was on my hands and knees looking.I looked in pillows and shoes.

I started to freak out a little!! (Who am I kidding..I was freaking out before that). My life was in that wallet. Well at least my debit card.. which is my money. My DL's and SSN (I need that for work..and hadn't taken it out yet OK?) credit cards.. you know important crap. And while I wasn't scared of someone getting a hold of it. I still needed that crap to you know have proof I am who I say I am, get a hold of my money. Important things like that.

I also needed to find it by 7:45.. cause I needed that crap for a CPR/First Aid class I was to be at later that day!

There was only one last place(s) I hadn't looked. Trash cans! Eww!! But I did it. I started with the trash can in my bedroom. It's not that bad. Just papers really. Then bathroom.. which isn't as gross as one would think. Being no one in my house has periods anymore. So it's shampoo bottles, and toilet paper rolls. Then the kitchen..which is sooo gross.

It turned up nothing..

And after an hour and half.. I gave up!

I was done!

I had decided that I would call my supervisor and let her know I didn't have my ID for the class.

NO point in going if I can't actually do the course.

I was done. I figured it would turn up eventually.

But today wasn't the day.

And as I looked around at the mess I had made. I knew I had a bigger problem at hand.

Cleaning this house!

Another dread set over me.. it's a good thing I have a little house though!

I started with my room. I made my bed, picked up clothes, hanged things back up!

Looked like a storm had moved through!

It was honestly the worst place in the entire house!

Then I moved to my computer desk.

Saved it for last.. because it was the worse.

I had so many useless papers..I did not need to keep.

So I thought I might as well throw them away!

I started going through them. To see what was good, and what was bad.

Picked up a paper labeled "Weight tracker"

and lo and behold.. there was my wallet!

WHAT????

I tore that desk apart. At one point there was NOTHING there.

NOTHING!

And there it was.. and it was a beautiful sight!

Black with silver skulls!!

I was SOO happy to find it!

Now I know what you are thinking.. that ends the bad day..right?

That is so funny.. and cute!

You're wrong.. oh you are oh so wrong!

I had just enough time to pay my cell phone bill before I left.

It is my only bill for the rest of the month..and I wanted to get it taken care of..

since I had just gotten paid!

I jump online, go the website, log in, and go to the page to pay.

I enter my info..mark I agree to their stupid agreement of terms..

Submit.... and get ..

ERROR

WHAT??? NO!!! I have to pay this dumb bill now!

So I try it again..

Go all through the steps..

and get..

ERROR!!

NOOOOOOO not again. I then quit.

Because knowing my luck.. they will charge me twice.. and a third if I do again..

I closed my computer.. and went on my way.

Did you know it was like 30 something degrees this morning?

It wasn't that last night when I went to bed.

Did you know I left late to catch my ride to CPR and First Aid?

Yep..

Did you know I had frost on my windows, the car wasn't heated up, and I needed to stop at the gas station for chips!

You probably didn't. But I did.

So I had to warm up the car, and scrape the windows..

Which wouldn't have been so bad, had I not been running late!

Thankfully, the ride to Troy went smooth.

No speeding tickets (I'm lucky)

My car didn't break down, didn't get behind any buses,  hit deer or got stuck by cows!

Things were looking up!!

I get the station, run in fast..because I can't be late.

Grab some chips, and of course an iced coffee.

Get up to the counter, they ring my stuff up..and I reach in my purse for my wallet.. and..

IT WASN'T THERE!!! NOOOOO I thought!

Now I know it was in my purse!

I put it here before I left.

Then again..it got on my computer desk and I don't remember that all.

So I ran out to the van..and tore it apart..not there.

I go back in and retrace my steps.

I must have taken it out of my purse..and put it on the counter when I got my iced coffee.

That beautiful, black with silver skulls wallet!

Amazingly I got to work on time, and didn't miss my ride.

We had to go to Cincinnati for the class.

Yeah doesn't make much sense huh?

Especially since the YMCA just down the road..offers the same classes.

But you know..I can't complain.

They transported us, paid for the class, and paid us to take the class.

I had it made if you asked me.

And the drive there went great! Knock on wood.

I was starting to think the morning was a sign of things to come!

The class on the other hand..not so good.

The place was a training center, for home health care and nursing.

They offer all kinds of classes..

CPR/First aid just happens to be one of them..

and they was so unprepared!

BTW I hate that.  A lot. It's one of my pet peeves.

Now this isn't the first of these classes I've taken

I've taken many.

And I have NEVER been in one like this.

Now granted things have probably changed since my last class..

but I doubt this much.

There was no class material (packets, papers, books etc.)

And the teacher spent more time out of the class, than in it.

He basically came in to start, pause and stop the video we were watching.

It was only about 2.5 hours long..for BOTH classes.

And we had no test at the end..

We would have been better off at the YMCA..

I may still do the YMCA class!

The drive home was uneventful as well.. didn't even get in traffic.

But I got a notification from my bank..

Letting me know that my card had been used to pay my cell phone bill...

TWICE!!!

NOOOOOO!!!

And while I was happy I didn't do it three times, I was still mad that it went through two times, several hours after I tried to submit them! Had it happened right away..OK..but several hours!

Which means I now have to call and fight over my bill, with some foreign speaking person..I can't understand.

I'm mad.. and a language barrier is never a good thing when you're ticked off!

Because in the end you both get ticket off.

I'm mad because I can't understand them! I just want to resolve the problem without saying "can you repeat that" or "could you say that again" or "I'm sorry I didn't hear you". Even though I really heard them. I just didn't want to be rude.

They are mad because they have to repeat themselves over and over again.

Oh and lets not forget that it takes 15 freaking minutes to get to the place where they transfer you to a an actual human! I swear I said "yes" and pushed buttons forever before they transferred me. Then I had to wait 15 more minutes for someone to answer my call.. all while listening to awful music, that's on a loop. Only to be greeted by someone I could not understand. The struggle is real!

Then once you get an actual person..they keep transferring me to different departments. I was so frustrated! Finally though..I got it taken care of. I'm getting my refund!

Which is good. Because if they hadn't given it to me.. I'd be ticked.. REALLY ticked.

This was all before 3 this afternoon..

I was so happy to be home!

And so far..so good.

I just checked on my wallet... Still there!

lol

And I can sigh.. and be happy that today is almost over!

Hopefully, tomorrow will be much better!

Dear Santa,

Dear Santa,

I am getting a little fed up with you Santa. Every year I am a good girl, and I do no wrong. Every year I ask for the same two things! It never changes. Yet, you can't seem to deliver on either.. well most of the time! So let me try again, this year. It would be super if you could give me one, if not BOTH of what I ask for!

First..I want..

SNOW!!!!

Seriously..is that too much to ask?? I mean it's not really Christmas without it. OK it is by it's not as joyful, and happy unless I have me some snow! SO PLEASE PLEASE for the love of hot chocolate and candy canes.. send some of that Arctic cold air Ohio's way with a few inches of snow! It doesn't have to be a blizzard! It can start on the 23th, and end the 25th, and melt on the 26th and not come back until this time next year! And I would be over the top happy! Like a giddy little kid who just got a puppy for Christmas! 

Next, I've been asking for this since I was about 18. I do believe I've asked you and God. Neither one of you seem to listen. Or maybe this request gets lost a long the way? IDK? Either way, neither of you seem to bring it to me! My second and most important request would.. 

Yep a man with no body! No really.. A man.. I want a man. Doesn't have to look like him. But I want one! And I want one NOW! I want him yesterday. No I wanted him 10 years ago, actually try 18 years ago! Yes Santa I'm that old! But I do not want just any ol' guy. I want a sweet guy he is VERY patient. Even with me. Which we both know.. I can get to someone quickly. Someone who comes from a big family, and he's close to them. He likes the same things as me. Hates country music, loves dancing, slow dancing. Likes to hold hands, hug, and show affection. Someone who'll watch a girly movie, and then a horror movie, and then a cartoon. Faithful..no cheaters allowed. Knows what he wants, and is not scared to go for it. Will protect me, and my heart from breaking. Someone who can sing.. and sing good. Doesn't have to look like the guy above. Actually, I would rather he not..aside from the beard! I love beards, when worn right. Brown eyes, and hair. Nice lips and strong hands. Broad shoulders. He doesn't have to look like a super model. Actually, I would rather he not. A teddy bear is more like it! And tall.. I'm short, but even more tall than me. Must believe in God. That is a MUST! And not someone who says "I believe in God" but also shows it! Not Mormon, or Catholic though. Their believes are nothing like my own. Doesn't want kids.. or anymore kids. Cause well.. I ain't got a uterus to have kids. But be open about adoption. Must love dogs, and/or have them!

I'm not asking for much am I? I didn't think so. I've never been as detailed with you Santa...so now that you know what I am looking for. Send him my way! I have like 7 day's left at Walmart. My lane is always opened! haha. Just saying.

Now that you know what I want for Christmas. I'll patiently sit by and wait for you to send me my snow and man! Even though, I'm guessing, this time next year, I'll be asking you for the same thing all over again..

Signed,
Katie!

Ipsy bag.. and complaining..

OK so it's been a while since I wrote a blog! A real long while. Does that even make sense? Anyway, I thought eh.. I'm going to write a blog! I have nothing better to do on my day off. Well actually I did. I went through ALL my clothes (and there was a lot of them) and got rid of anything, and everything I haven't worn in a long time, or ever worn. I mean why keep crap you're not going to use? Seriously. Half of the stuff was too big me anyway. I probably had 15 bags of clothes behind my dresser! Now I have none and it feels sooooo good. I had to add extra "o"'s to stress to you how good it feels! I'm getting rid of so many clothes! Well all but the jeans. I kept them. Well the jeans that are too small for me yet. I'll get into them. I threw away the ones that are too big. You never keep clothes you've grown out of.. well the ones that get too big that is!!

Anyway, yesterday I got my Ipsy Glam bag. If you do not know what that is.. go to that the link. I am however, going to try to describe it the best I can. To be honest with you I had never actually heard of Ipsy before I seen my friend Lindsey's update about it on Facebook. Actually, she updated about it at least two times before I actually checked it out. And just had to sign up! I was not going to pass up a make-up bag with samples for 10 dollars a month. NO WAY! And good samples. I had to try it out! And what I REALLY like most about it is that they charge you every month, and not a one lump sum, like 120.00 dollars a year! And you can cancel anytime you want. So if you find yourself in a tough situation and can't pay 10 dollars a month, you can cancel, and then pick it back up when you can again!

Now what extactly comes in these bags you ask? Good question! First, when you sign up you'll take a quiz. If I remember correctly they ask you questions about your hair, skin and eye color. You're interests when it comes to makeup (do you like the natural, glam, goth, etc. look..OK I don't think they ask you goth lol). This is to determine what best fits you! Not everyone gets the same thing in their glam bag. It's kind of tailored to you! So if you're a blonde with brown eyes who likes the glam look, you're probably going to get something different than this black hair, blue eyed girl! It's tailored to you! Most of the time they send you samples, sometimes you'll get full sized products. But not often. However, for the price it's good! You get five items (think of each item as 2 dollars a piece). This month they were all sample sizes, but the tweezers! I was so excited about the tweezers! Here is a screenshot of what I got! Yep..I am so doing that!

OK so you might have to click on it to make it bigger. I didn't know it would be that small.Here is a list of what was in the bag. Feel free to go visit the website to find out more about them! I was going to write about them in detail. But that takes too long, and you can read about it on your own! Sound good? lol. 

•  Eva-NYC Therapy Session Hair Mask.
•  Peter Lamas Exfoliating Pumpkin Facial Scrub 
• theBalm Cosmetics Meet Matt(e) Hughes Long-Lasting Liquid Lipstick 
• Emité Make Up PROFESSIONAL SLANT TWEEZER
• IT Cosmetics Hello Lashes® Clinically Proven 5-in-1 Mascara

I have yet to try any of them, well I tried the liquid lipstick! It smells like peppermint patties! So far I am loving my Ipsy bags! I've been getting them for 3 months now, and have been able to use almost all the products they send! So I highly recommend them! 

OK moving on.. to the complaining. Cause I have some to do! Do you know what REALLY bothers me! When people need, or want me to do something for them, and instead of asking me. They ask my mom! Like I am a child. I'm 35 years old. I stopped giving me orders 17 years ago! So when someone calls and asks my mom if I could, or would do something for them. I find that so very disrespectful! This usually requires my mom having to call me to tell me that "so and so" asked if I could do "such and such" for them. Why not just call me? Or text! I know what you are thinking.. why don't you just express this to the people or person who does this. My mom and myself have BOTH told this person that they NEED TO ASK ME! They still do not listen. They even told my mom once that when her kids were small.. if she told her kids that someone needed help.. they went. They didn't question. Like my mom is suppose to tell me what to do, like a child, and I'm suppose to listen. It really really gets on my nerves. My blood pressure is up just thinking about it! Sometimes I think she does it on purpose, she'll play stupid and act like she forgot. But she didn't. It's like she's an adult with ODD lol. Errrr.. I want to scream! 

OK I thought I was going to complain more than I did. lol. 

Anyway, check out Ipsy!!! It's worth it! 

Really???

OK this is going to be my vent post. Because well I feel like venting. I feel like an angry woman. Maybe its the weather? Having to get up early in the freezing cold. Maybe its because I'm tired of men treating me like a freaking sex object simply because I have large boobs. Really? Guys chill there just boobs. Seriously. I just want to scream!!!  Maybe I am tired of this stupid pain.

Now I vowed to myself I wasn't going to complain about the weather. I even posted about people who complain about it. We live in Ohio. Be use to it blah blah blah. Forget that. This sucks. I hate it. And I want it to go away. And before ANYONE says something stupid like "but Katie you like snow" or "didn't you ask for this snow"  let me stop you now. Don't say it. I'm not going to explain to you when I like snow... Again. Just know I do not want it now. And snow would be a little more tolerable if it wasn't cold as balls outside. This cold is what I hate more than anything. Its days like this and what we've been having that makes me wanna stay in bed all day long. OK not really.

Because I'm also mad at the fact that I can't work out. Because of my stupid uterus. Which I no longer have. Yet it still has control over me. How can something that's been dumped in some medical waste field control me. OK its not. But the pain is. I am 9 weeks out and ready to get back at it. But can't. Ugh.

And talking about balls. OK I mentioned them earlier. Guys.. Control yours. Seriously. What are you thinking when you make inappropriate comments about girls chest. I'm sorry but no matter what I wear. I can't hide them. However, you can control your mouths and what comes out of it. Keep your thoughts to yourself. And did your mommas teach you to treat women like sex objects?  Or to act like dogs? Always chasing the tail?  I am so tired of men thinking its OK or that I'll be OK with them treating me like this. I'm not. I don't even lead you to believe you're going to get anything from me. Its almost like most men think just because I have big boobs its OK, or I'll be OK being treated with disrespect. WRONG. Big boobs does not equal easy. At least not this girl.

And while we are on the topic. Go a head and get mad, or have a pitty party. I don't care? And I do not feel bad. Really. I could care less. Oh whaaa. Get over it and learn what respect is. I guess acting like a baby has worked in the past. Well I do not want or seek acceptance from people like you.

And girls who do fall for this. Please stop. Really. Have some respect for yourself. Girls, you do not have to sleep with a guy just because a guy says your beautiful, or pays you some attention. Believe me if a guy wants something bad enough he'll pull out all the strings to get it. And while that is low if you get hurt you can only blame yourself. You're the one who gave in.

OK I have gotten that out. I'll go now.